you hurt

Nevermind, that's always the word, isn't it? No, not right now, not the right time. Always the thought closely followed by It's too much of a risk. And it really was, wasn't it? So many possibilities, the unknown was too dark, he couldn't see through it. Uncertainty never felt so terrifying before.  What would his friends say now if they knew he was holding back, too afraid to jump. He had always been the daredevil in the group, ready to do something crazy, something stupid even when they had the worst consequences. That was the thrill of the game, he always thought. But now, here he was acting like a scared shitless deer staring straight onto two bright headlights. Too afraid to move, to do anything. Say anything.

There were too many what ifs involved. It made his stomach churn. Too many hours staring at the ceiling, wondering, hoping, wishing that things would turn out okay. And then another few hours swearing and self-hating, hoping that he could just let go instead. Would that be for the best? To not just feel like this anymore. To not be responsible for potentially fucking everything up.

But the image of someone else in the picture, their hands laced and lips touching sent a shiver down his spine. And his chest would tighten as if someone was clutching his heart. It hurt.

Why did he have to feel this way, it was stupid. This shit only happened to the weak ones, he was invincible. Nothing could touch him, hurt him or make him second guess his decisions. It never happened, not until he showed up - the boy who could cut him down without so much as lifting a finger. Just one word was all it took to send him into the dark depths of uncertainty, of fear.

( i swear next thing i write won't be so angsty and pathetic rofl )